The title I undoubtedly pilfered from
Shakespeare’s Hamlet. In the speech, Price Hamlet is weighingout death and suicide
because of the unfairness and pains of life, yet realizes the suicide route
might actually be worse. This enigma translates itself into the conundrum of
cheating quite amicably. I really cannot say I’m an expert on the subject, but
much to my chagrin, I have in my life partaken of this deviously enticing
fruit, only just once though. In a family male chat group yesterday, one of my older
married cousins blabbered inconsequentially on about how his wife was making
his life miserable. Apparently her tactile deficiency was pushing him into the
arms of other women. It is not my place to judge but what is the statute of
limitations on not taking responsibility of your own sordid actions and pinning
them on others?
I am sincerely going to try to take a
holistic approach on this one. My only qualm in supporting cheating is on the
fact that once a person cheats, they come back full of regret (moreso after
they are caught) and cry foul. Popular justifications being, “It was a
mistake”, “I don’t know what came over me”, “I wasn’t myself really”, “It just
happened, one thing led to another and before I knew it”, “I was so mad at you
that I didn’t realize what I was doing.” I’m overly confident you have heard
one, if not all of these sorry excuses yet in truth, they do not in any way
diminish the act. The worst of it is one is never apologetic during the
cheating act, they become apologetic after the fact when they thoroughly
enjoyed the experience. Now they seek forgiveness.
Why is the human species so weak when it
comes to retaining the integrity of a relationship? Is love just not enough
anymore? Promiscuity has long since existed yet now is currently globally rampant
that it is epitomized as the norm and embroiled into culture it is slowly
becoming acceptable. A female friend and I were quite recently chatting about
her long distance relationship and her surmise of it, sadistically put, is that
she just assumes the guy has other females where he is who cater to his needs.
(Wish I could place that surprised emoji face here!!) This girl was so attuned
to cheating that she has told herself he’s obviously cheating, at least he is
taking efforts to hide it!! This is her way of copying, so as not be hurt when
the truth does emerge. In all honesty though, it will still hurt! Why then do
we embellish this heinous act?
Years ago I was in a committed extra-long distance
relationship with this godsend, Alaia, and I was so smitten this girl I would
have literally harnessed the moon and tied it to her backyard, were it
possible. She came at a time in my life when I was ripe for true love and
turned out to be a lot like me than I could scarce believe. Cheating on her was
as unfathomable a notion to me as the Pythagorean number. Young love has a
tendency of doing exactly that - she was my first real love. You give of
yourself entirely and leave no room for disappointment, sad to say, she was in
the same predicament.
At this time I was at University with this
girl whom I will name Manny who was doing the same degree program as me, in the
same year, and the same level. We took the same classesbegan during which time
she began making dexterous passes at me, using these opportunities to make her
furtive advances. Initially I was able to resist them as they were merely
flirtatious in nature. Within the week, they had escalated to skilful physical
gropings (for lack of a suitable word) akin to frisking. Suffice it to say,
this thoroughly irritated me yet I was powerless to stop her as part of me was
enjoying it all. It didn’t really help either that I was a curious teen virgin
who was constantly sexually excited. My futile attempts at rejecting her slowly
dwindled into nothing as the second week drew to a close and I succumbed to
temptation. I will not lie and claim I thought of my girlfriend at all before
and during the act, but right after, the regret set in and I realized the
immensity of the steps I had taken. Sex
had been an amazing discovery though, one which had been so great that I
realized I would probably do it again, and with this same girl who by now was a
thorough annoyance. I kept telling myself my girlfriend would never find out.
She did find out though and she did end it…….
This was the only time that I have ever
been officially unfaithful to a woman. I managed to alienate her and in the
process ended up hurting myself a whole lot more. I cannot claim to understand
what she went through, but in later years, I was to have women do this to me
and I literally felt the burn.
I have quite a number of friends, both male
and female, most of whom are cheating on their current spouses. I have tried to
understand their various reasons for doing so and have objectively listened to
their explanations but all I have learnt is that they are mere cowards who seek
short-term enjoyment because of some situation whose severity they mentally
overstated. Despite the concocted reasons, I believe you cheat because you want
to. You consciously prepare yourself to do it and block out any thoughts on the
consequences until the feat is accomplished and you hope to God you get caught.
Precious few will feel any remorse whatsoever if they never get caught, but the
very moment they get caught, suddenly they become apologetic. It seems people
are never aware of just how much they are in love with their partners until
they mess up.
Whatever the reasons for cheating, the overall decision is on an individual basis. You decide
whether to do it or not. If one decides to go on ahead, at least they should be
armed with the knowledge that the dynamics of their relationship will forever
be altered. In my view, it is so much better to just get out of the relationship.
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